Is it Love?

That Special Feeling 

There comes a day when you realize you’ve finally met your special person. Not someone you admire, not someone you feel a childish crush for, but someone you really love.

But how do you know? 

People fall in and out of relationships; sometimes, that special word is being exchanged because you feel it is something you should say, but somewhere deep down, you realize this isn’t the overwhelming sense of falling that you think love is, you're just falling. Your mind may be telling you that you should or should not be feeling this, but your body will tell you the truth.  

Figuring out whether you are in love with a person can be easier than you might think. When you’re with or thinking about that special person, it is common to feel butterflies in your stomach or even feel completely different in your mental state. The phrase “love makes you crazy” is popular for a reason. Why is this? Research suggests that being in love can alter one's mental state. Falling in love is not just a feeling but a state of mind, body-altering, all-consuming way of being. 

Madly Falling 

A 2004 study was conducted by Donatella Marazziti and Domenico Canale on the hormonal effects that someone falling in love and currently in love can feel. The study consisted of 24 male and female subjects who had fallen in love within the previous six months and compared their hormone levels to that of 24 subjects who were either single or currently in a long-term relationship. Different hormones were studied in each participant, and the conclusion revealed that being in love causes an altered state of mind, representing a “physiological and transient condition”.   

The results of this study showed that cortisol levels, the hormone that helps respond to stress levels, are significantly higher in the subjects that have recently fallen in love in comparison to the control. This could be an indication of why one feels overwhelmed, stressed, and even a little sick when actively falling in love. Lindsay Tigar (2016) wrote in her article that this added stress is your body telling you how you feel. The physical sickness and stomach pains you get? That's cortisol contracting the blood vessels in your stomach.  

Cliff Djajapranata recently asked Georgetown University professor Tom Sherman questions about the neuroscience of love where he explained the gut feeling you get that tells you to stay away from someone or the all-consuming thought of them is controlled by increases in cortisol and dopamine. Sherman explains how the two hormones work together to create such intense feelings. The rise in cortisol levels makes you more aware of this person and feeling and your mesolimbic system associates this as a pleasure sensation, releasing dopamine and causing you to crave and seek out more of this person. There is evidential data proving a correlation between “stressful experiences and the development of social attachment” (Marazziti & Canale, 2004, p. 400).  

Switching Roles 

Furthermore, research suggests that “falling in love tended temporarily to eliminate some differences between the sexes” (Marazziti & Canale, 2004, p.400). Men in an earlier stage of their relationship showed decreased testosterone concentrations and, conversely, high levels detected in women. This could support the idea that men falling in love grow soft and almost submissive to the woman they are falling for, while women falling in love are often viewed as more intense and driven. 

Being in Love 

That being said, “this usually fades over time as you become more comfortable with your boyfriend or girlfriend” (Lindsay Tigar, 2016). This would explain why, in the previous study, 16 of the original 24 subjects who were in the same relationship were no longer in the same mental state and reported feeling less stressed and less obsessed. Falling in love is such a rush and can be very nerve-racking, but being in love calms the mind and body. The hormonal changes your body goes through are dependent on the state of love you are in; while actively falling in love, your hormones are moving rampant, but being comfortably in love stabilizes your body. “You could say that love begins as a stressor but then love becomes a buffer against stress.” (Djajapranata, 2024).

Love is a Drug 

The phrase “love is like a drug” is not so far from the truth. Being in love can make people do unimaginable things, you begin to crave a person in the way an addict might crave a substance. Tiger (2016) quotes naturopathic doctor Serena Goldstein in her article, which explains that the Corticotrophin-releasing hormone is increased when not with one's partner, ultimately leading to increased signs of anxiety and depression, in the same way it would increase in a person going through withdrawals from a substance. 

Better Together 

Numerous studies suggest that people who stay in a happy, constant relationship are better off in the long run than those who are single. Tigar refers to studies done by the Duke University Medical Center study and NYU Langone Medical Center which both suggest better long-term health for individuals who have tied the knot. Married couples show fewer risk factors for premature death and stronger hearts. Suggesting that a happy mind is a healthy body.  

People actively in love feel calm, and safe, while people who are actively searching or have given are likely to be more stressed and unhappy. It isn’t uncommon to hear complaints from people who have fallen out of love or never found it. Constant comments on their loneliness and desire for someone to go back home to. Yet your friends and family who are actively in love seem much less irritated and are content in their lives. Why is this? “Intimacy between pairs is inversely correlated with negative psychological states, such as depressed mood, and positively correlated with a stronger immune function and cardiovascular health.” (Djajapranata, 2024) 

Despite the rollercoaster of emotions that someone falling in love feels, the result is worth it. The stress of falling eventually melts away and is replaced by the comfort, eternal happiness, and good health that being in love with that special someone will bring you. 

Hyperlink Guide 

Study: How your body reacts when you fall in love 

Article: How your body reacts when you fall in love 

Neuroscience of Love: The Neuroscience of Love: What’s Going on in the Lovestruck Brain? 

References 

Djajapranata, C. (2024, February 14). The Neuroscience of Love: What’s Going On in the lovestruck brain? Georgetown University. https://www.georgetown.edu/news/the-neuroscience-of-love-whats-going-on-in-the-lovestruck-brain/  

Marazziti, D., & Canale, D. (2004). Pages 931-936. In Psychoneuroendocrinology (7th ed., Vol. 29). essay. Retrieved 2024,.